I've just been thinking that both Raw and Impact would be more enjoyable at the moment with the sound turned down and a musical accompaniment selected. I feel a playlist of 80s heavy metal would work well....It's just that every week I get so annoyed by the commentators.
Let's break this down. Michael Cole is probably the least worst of WWE's commentary team. He's a reasonably competent play-by-play guy who has recovered after a dreadful, ill-advised heel turn a few years ago. Aside from the obvious fact that the main anchor should be on the side of the fans, as he's the one who is guiding us through the action, Cole's horrible heel performances were weirdly counter-productive. Put bluntly, his relentless negativity was basically shitting on the product and the performers. How is the audience supposed to take a show seriously if the main announcer apparently hates it? No matter, this is now finished. Actually, as a neutral figure, he tends towards blandness. He lacks JR's talent for inspiring hyperbole. But he can stay for the moment, as he's basically assured on the mic, and drew deserved praise for how he handled proceedings during Jerry Lawler's on-air heart attack.
The principal problems are elsewhere. Talking of Lawler, he is a true legend who deserves respect. But, just how out of touch does he appear now? His performances are lazy and phoned-in, and his casual sexism while talking about the Divas is irksome. During the days of the brand split, it was noted during a PPV that Lawler had a crib sheet enabling him to identify all the Smackdown stars. As he never watched the b-show, he had no idea who these people were, so the supposed 'expert' actually had less knowledge about half the roster than the average WWE fan. This speaks volumes about Lawler's apathy concerning the current product. Indeed, the best role for him currently might be alongside Gene Okerlund on WWE's excellent Vintage show. Clearly, he has little feel for today's WWE, and he might regain his enthusiasm if allowed to talk about a past that he is far more knowledgeable about.
But the ultimate irritant is the bellowing bore that is JBL. This guy just has one note. He spends the whole show shouting everyone down with insight-free assertions. I realise he is supposed to be annoying, but there is an art to heel colour commentary, and the audience should be able to love to hate him. Instead, whenever those bullying Texan vocal chords fly into action, people are reaching for the migraine pills. He's just too loud, too overbearing.
A common complaint is that all three commentators only pay minimal attention to the action happening in the ring, and spend too much time with frankly irrelevant discussions about random topics. In particular, JBL will crowbar references to current sporting events in a most tangential fashion every week. At present he's supplying running commentary on the football World Cup, which at least is an event which has captured the imagination of the world (including, at long last, the United States). However the other week, he started talking about the World Snooker Championships in Sheffield, to the basic bemusement of his fellow commentators. The impression I get is that sometimes JBL is employing an avoidance strategy; he'd rather talk about anything other than wrestling.
Of course, as with so many other problems with the show, the real issue is standing behind the curtain in the Gorilla Position. The commentators are just reacting to Vince McMahon's instructions, and if he wants them to ignore the impressive suplex that's just been performed and talk about an obscure sporting event in Yorkshire instead, they'll jump through that hoop.
It doesn't have to be this way. The contrast with the commentary team on NXT couldn't be more pronounced. Of course, this show is HHH's baby and Vince stays away. The result is that the rotating commentary team (including Byron Saxton, the charming Renee Young and the Artist Formally Known As Albert/A-Train/Tensai) seems more relaxed and more focused. In particular, William Regal displays a true old-school commitment to putting the talent over. No matter whether he's discussing a heel or face, he'll talk up their attributes and point out their most powerful moves. He wants us to believe in these characters. In interviews, Regal has responded to praise about his current role with typical English modesty. He points out that he doesn't know if he could handle the pressure on Raw, and that the low-key atmosphere of NXT allows him to develop this onscreen character. I actually reckon he'd be just fine on the main show. He can't be any worse than JBL. Interestingly, there seems to be backing for Ms Young in WWE, as she'll now be handling commentary on Superstars. Could Renee become the first female commentator on Raw eventually?
Meanwhile on TNA Impact, the problem isn't with Mike Tenay. He's an authoritative-sounding broadcaster whose urgent commentary helps build up the product. Unfortunately, he is teamed up with Taz, who simply is not up to the job. His rambling commentary is full of malapropisms and other weird phrases. Sometimes he'll get halfway through an overly-complicated sentence then lose his way and try to bail himself out with a feeble joke. In the Impact discussion group I am a member of, we have a running joke that Taz appears to be drunk for much of the show (his habit of yelling random things in a high-pitched voice seems to back up this theory). I suspect that the truth is that he isn't drunk, but just incompetent; however he often sounds inebriated, which is just as bad. It's painful to listen to his verbal fumblings.
I'm amazed that someone this poor is still employed in this role. In fairness, Taz can work well when he has a prepared script. As an onscreen character in the Aces & Eights saga, he was effective in pulling off a major swerve at the Bully Ray/Brooke Hogan wedding. TNA needs to get him out of the commentary booth and into backstage angles, I feel.
Who should replace Taz? Well, the obvious candidate is Jeremy Borash. Indeed, Tenay and Borash already team up to supply commentary for matches on Xplosion. Both are perfectly professional, but there's no real tension between them as they are too similar and basically do the same thing. They even sound alike; sometimes on Xplosion I have to listen carefully to discern which one of them is speaking. I think Mike Tenay needs an antagonist to work off. I wonder if Don West, whose heel commentary was often hilarious, would consider a return to TNA?
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