Wrestlemania : the build, the prospects, the predictions....

Well, it's that time of year again, when WWE rolls out the red carpet for its flagship supershow.  So are you feeling hyped?  No, nor am I.  Mania XXX had such a hot build, with underdog babyface Daniel Bryan reaping a genuine wave of popular support on his way to a memorable double victory.  By comparison, the big story this year - the faltering rise of Roman Reigns - feels like a real damp squib that has failed to light up.

For all that, I have tried to tell myself that the show could be better than my initial low expectations.  With this is mind, I'll use this blog post to break down how the build for each match has progressed, as well as weighing up the prospects and predicting the results.  So let's dive in.

Tag Team Title Match - Tyson Kidd & Cesaro (w/Natalya) (c) vs The New Day vs The Usos (w/Naomi) vs Los Matadores (w/El Torito)

The Build

Close to non-existent.  There has been a low-level Total Divas-related rivalry between Tyson and the Usos, though this makes little sense unless you watch the E! Network spin-off.  Immediately there's a problem, in that storylines should be self-supporting.  You shouldn't need to watch supplementary programming to understand what happens on the main show.  Even then, it's messy, given that Cesaro does not appear in Total Divas, so his presence in this rivalry is somewhat random.  However, throwing in further bodies dissipates even this weak build-up.  Los Matadores and The New Day are both very lame, one-dimensional teams conforming to lamentable racial stereotypes.  They are merely making up the numbers, and are proving that WWE's tag-team division, which was healthy two years ago, has now run out of steam.

The Prospect

The match is on the pre-show, so is unlikely to last more than a few minutes.  Given the number of wrestlers involved, it's going to be hard for anyone to stand out. True, there might be crowd-pleasing moments with the Cesaro swing and the Usos' high-flying exploits, but this will ultimately be forgettable.

The Prediction

Kidd and Cesaro to retain .  They haven't held the title for long, so will probably be allowed to keep the belt a little longer.

Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royal - The Miz, Curtis Axel, Ryback, Fandango, Adam Rose, Zach Ryder, Jack Swagger, Titus O'Neil, Darren Young, Big Show, Kane, Erick Rowan, Damien Mizdow, Sin Cara, Goldust, Heath Slater, Mark Henry, Konnor, Viktor, Hideo Itami

The Build

You could argue that the build for this year's tournament started to fail straight after last year's match.  Cesaro looked set for a big babyface run, but he lost all momentum following a dreadful run with Paul Heyman.  Famously, Vince criticised the Swiss star for not reaching hard enough for the mythical 'brass ring', but the truth is WWE Creative had no idea what to do with a guy who has both indie cred and a powerful WWE-approved physique.  Whatever, his dismal 2014/15 has severely diminished the standing of this whole tournament.

It could be argued, of course, that a tournament like this is a double-edged sword.  On one hand, it gives the maximum number of wrestlers a Wrestlemania moment.  On the other, it reduces the prestige of the Showcase of the Immortals, which is supposed to be an exclusive club for the elite performers.  No wonder this has been bumped to the pre-show.  Thus, most of the midcard with prospects is in the ladder match on the main card.

That said, there is one great storyline hidden among the enhancement talent that is making up the numbers.  The Miz vs Mizdow storyline has developed patiently and has been perfectly played by both, with crowd reactions basically turning Mizdow face.  This should be the main story here.

The Prospects

Again, this will be rushed, unfortunately.  There will be a lot of exits based on just a couple of pieces of offence, which makes no-one look good.  However, it could do a job in moving the Miz/Mizdow storyline on its next stage.

The Prediction

Damien Mizdow to win, after turning on The Miz and eliminating his hated employer.  This will mark Damien's formal face turn and give the pair a proper rivalry leading to a showdown at Extreme Rules.

Seth Rollins vs Randy Orton

The Build

This has occasionally been overplayed (Orton's extended beat-down of Rollins following his face turn went on so long, I almost started feeling sorry for the latter...) but has been built soildly.  Orton's motivations for this grudge are easy to understand, and WWE did a sensible job in not rushing him back to action.  He had become stale, and it was a good idea to let the memories of lacklustre previous runs fade before his return.  Besides, he's looked a lot hungrier since coming back.   Rollins, of course, has played an exceptional heel role, oozing evil from every unctous promo he delivers.

I only have one serious disappointment here. Given this is a match between a seasoned main-eventer and a big rising star, it seems odd that it has no title implications at all.

The Prospects

It almost goes without saying that this should be a highlight of the night. Rollins is simply one of the best technical wrestlers in the company and he should produce a minor classic with Orton.  The one thing I will say is that Rollins needs to set the pace here.  Left to his own devices, Orton can fall back on a series of rest holds that drags down the speed of the match.  He needs to ensure that the pace matches that of the excellent matches that Rollins has had with, for example, Dean Ambrose.

The Prediction

Seth Rollins.  He needs the win to maintain his aura as a top heel.  Particularly if he features later on in the main event....

US Championship Match:  Rusev (c) vs John Cena

The Build

The whole storyline of the evil monster heel from behind the Iron Curtain is ridiculously dated, and just doesn't work properly in 2015.  I mean, I doubt that most of the WWE's audience even knows who Vladimir Putin is.  However, despite my better judgement, I have found myself enjoying this.  Call it a guilty pleasure, I suppose.  For one thing, I actually believe in the bulky Bulgarian as an effective wrecking machine, which says something given my usual antipathy to 'big men' wrestlers.  The other selling point is, of course, Lana, who week after week steals the show with ridiculously sexy promos...or at least she did.

The build-up here has still been a mess, but it's one I can work around.  As the all-American boy, John Cena's promo work has been tinged with an unpleasant jingoism, and he's shown some apparent heel moves: torturing Rusev so that he agrees to a match, for example.  Also, John, when you say you believe that the USA is the  'greatest country on earth', do you not understand how such sentiments play in every country that's outside America?  WWE is an international company which needs to start behaving like one.

For all that, I find this watchable because I just reverse the roles.  I see Rusev as a proud patriot standing up for his culture in a land full of xenophobic bigots who believe that only Americans are allowed to feel national pride.  (Incidentally, I suspect that the reporters who handle the commentary for Russian TV spin the action in precisely this way.  If they don't, they should....)

But one thing makes me angry. The delectable Lana has recently been missing and will doubtless be away from Wrestlemania too.  The reason why?  She's shooting a film for WWE Studios.  Yes, that's right, just at the point when her client faces the biggest match of his career, she won't be ringside because of some straight-to-video b-movie which will probably just be the butt of a joke in Kayfabe News a few months later....WWE, your timing is ludicrously askew here!

The Prospects

It won't be a classic, but that's not to say it won't be enjoyable.  Cena normally rises to the occasion in big events, even if he doesn't usually lose all his faults (the loud spot-calling, his notorious no-pressure STF), and Rusev will bring the aggression.  I'll be relying on memory to imagine a blonde in a red suit yelling 'CRUSH HIM!!!!' on the sidelines, though....

The Prediction

Cena, sadly, because the whole story is geared to supplying a big patriotic finish to Rusev's streak.  I hope I'm wrong.

The Bella Twins vs Paige and AJ Lee

The Build

Divas booking has been horrible for quite some time.  Last year, I wrote a detailed takedown of why the Bella Twins storyline made no sense, and since then it's managed to defy logic even further, with the twins reuniting for no apparent reason, despite Nikki's humiliating treatment of Brie.  Meanwhile, the oddball 'frenemies' AJ and Paige had a weird rivalry where the face/heel demarcation seemed arbitrary as they were essentially playing the same character.

At least pitting AJ and Paige as faces supplies a logical twist here; they should be partners as they have so much in common.  And there are signs that AJ's much-discussed #givedivasachance hashtag is having a positive effect.  Last week's Raw feature a ten-minute plus match that may well have had the best in-ring action in any recent Divas match.

The Prospect

If it follows the pattern of the Raw match, this might surprise a few people.  Of course, Paige and AJ are strong workers, and there are signs that the Bellas, though still lacking in their mic work, have worked hard to improve their ring work.  Expect shenanigans at the end, leading to further friction between the frenemies....

The Prediction

The Bellas continue to get the better of this feud, though they will cheat to win.  This will continue the storyline, with either Paige or AJ getting a title match at Extreme Rules.

Sting vs Triple H

The Build

I see what they are trying to do here, but it hasn't worked too well.  By limiting Sting's appearances to the bare minimum, they've built up an aura of mystery around the WCW legend, but at the expense of clarity.  What does Sting actually want from Triple H?  The silence was maintained for just too long, and WWE threw some weird segments into the mix.  Remember the fake Sting that shocked HHH, who was clearly taller than the real Sting and had a different hairstyle (apparently, this was actually Heath Slater)?  Or that weird promo where they distorted Sting's voice so you thought it was another imposter?  Then there's the fiction they've maintained that his basically been sitting on his backside for fourteen years.  The commentators asked why it took this long for Sting to come over, but have been unable to inform the audience that the reason is that he was being paid a lot of money by Dixie Carter for all that time....

Finally, Sting did finally arrive on Raw to talk about his motivation, and, yes, he's just basically pissed about the WWE defeating WCW in the Monday Night Wars.  This feels like an anti-climax, as this is ancient history now. How relevant is this to a modern audience? to win

The Prospects

At the end of the day, this is a major singles match between two competitors whose combined age is 101, which speaks volumes about WWE's continued reliance on ageing part-timers in big events.  That said, Sting's performances towards the end of his TNA run ranged from average to very good, and his body is in enviable shape.  Triple H, meanwhile, had a great opening match with Daniel Bryan last year. so it looks like he's also in great shape.  Add to the fact that weapons will certainly be involved (the sledgehammer and the baseball bat have both featured in the build-up) and this could be entertaining.  I just hope they don't overbook too much interference from The Authority.

The Prediction

Sting.  This is a hard one to call, but HHH has shown willingness to put opponents over, and Sting winning would make for a bigger headline.

Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match: Bad News Barrett (c), Dean Ambrose, Daniel Bryan, Luke Harper, R Truth, Dolph Ziggler, Stardust

The Build

I was pleased that this time the much-ignored midcard actually got a storyline of sorts.  The problem was that the story was deeply silly, with Ambrose initially stealing the belt, before the rest of the contenders  played pass-the-parcel with it and R Truth generally behaved in a nefarious fashion.  This really isn't doing anything to aid the belt's reputation, plus it generally made Barrett look like a chump.....

Regarding the presence of strong fan favourites, I can see both arguments.  Yes, they might be better off in singles matches, but they raise the status of the match and this is an arena they can shine in.

The Prospects

This could easily be the match of the night, given that it is absolutely stacked with exciting talent.  Ambrose, Bryan and Ziggler are all accomplished aerial performers in particular, but everyone can contribute something of worth.  Just try to forget the silly build-up and enjoy the daring high-flying action.

The Prediction

Hard one to call.  If the WWE is serious about rebuilding the belt's reputation, then Daniel Bryan is the obvious choice.  However, if WWE is worried that DB is too injury-prone (surely the main reason he isn't in the main event mix), then they might shy away from giving the belt to him, and Dolph may be ruled out for similar reasons.  In that case, Dean Ambrose looks like the best bet.

The Undertaker vs Bray Wyatt

The Build

Bray Wyatt has delivered on the mic time and again, but the lack of the Dead Man's presence has harmed the build.  Too often Wyatt has basically just been talking to himself, and there's no danger when there's just a solo performer out there.  Also, with Wyatt rarely competing in the ring this build is all talk basically.  For all that, a couple of nice theatrical moments have raised my interest.  For one thing, when Taker accepted the challenge by sending lightning down to set fire to Wyatt's rocking chair was marvellous, not least because of Wyatt's reaction.  Instead of being spooked, Wyatt started laughing, to recognise that Taker speaks his language.  Great touch, that.

The Prospects

I can't see this being anything other than awful, as Taker is in terrible state, as he proved against Brock Lesnar last year.  Wyatt is good, but probably not good enough to carry him.  This match will be heavy on theatrics no doubt, but it won't be enough

The Prediction

Bray Wyatt has to win.  It would represent the ultimate passing of the torch, with Wyatt now crowned as the strangest man in WWE.

World Heavyweight Championship Match: Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman) (c) vs Roman Reigns

The Build

This has been a mixture.  Paul Heyman has been predictably stellar, delivering impassioned promos to explain why Brock Lesnar is the ultimate fighting machine. However, this hasn't worked well enough, and WWE now has to face facts; the Roman Reigns experiment has failed.  He hasn't successfully looked anywhere near dominant enough, and the crowds know it.  His promos often seem whiny and petulant, when he should be strident and forceful. Also, he hasn't wrestled enough lately.  WWE needs to show us how strong Reigns is; instead they are trying too hard to merely tell us how good he is.  He had a great Fastlane match with Daniel Bryan, so why not build on that success? Getting a string of WWE stars like Jericho and Ambrose hasn't helped as it's too obvious they are parroting lines fed to them from head office.  Again, it's too transparent.  Fans in 2015 will no longer accept being told who to like.

Meanwhile, when Lesnar and Reigns faced off at the end of the go-home edition of Raw, it ended with a risible tug-of-war over the title.  This had all the excitement and tension of watching two children arguing and claiming ownership of a One Direction pencil case....

Oddly enough the best piece promotion from Lesnar occurred outside WWE, when he admitted he'd signed a new contract with the company.  Suddenly, the coronation of Roman Reigns seemed less certain.

The Prospects

A straightforward match between this pair offers little interest for me.  This is likely to be the kind of lumbering big man match that I rarely find entertaining.  There would be some peaks with the big power moves, but the likelihood is that there will be lulls in between.  However, I suspect that there will be big shocks along the way.  With Paul Heyman lurking, he may turn on his client, given his past record of treachery.  Then again, Seth Rollins will be watching with interest as he clutches his MITB briefcase.  Expect plenty of intrigue outside the ring. 

The Prediction

Seth Rollins cashes in his Money In The Bank contract on an exhausted Roman Reigns who has just defeated Lesnar.



Of course, there may be surprises, such as the return of Sheamus, alongside the music interludes that act as toilet breaks.  My main hope is that the show feels like an event, and not just a regular edition of Raw with extra bells and whistles.










  

WWE FastLane : Where is WWE heading?

 

Increasingly, it's becoming clear that WWE is being written on the fly, and it's hard to work out exactly where the main storylines are going.   With this is mind, I'll use this blog post to evaluate three current talking points.

The Main Event - Bryan vs Reigns

 

Let's be clear, this is a mess. By putting chosen one Roman Reigns up against the people's favourite Daniel Bryan for a shot at Brock Lesnar's title at Wrestlemania, they have essentially nullified the whole point of the Royal Rumble.  History has repeated itself as farce: this is the second year in a row that hostile crowd reactions to the treatment of Bryan at the Rumble has forced WWE's hand.  They've panicked and clumsily inserted him back in the main event picture.  Again.

Leaving aside arguments about whether Reigns is ready or not, it was clear that the live audience is heavily split.  Reigns has recently been getting some audible cheers, but an awful lot of boos are drowning this out.  It's not entirely his fault, as the fans booing him are probably those who were cheering him during his Shield run.  Indeed, I believe the real target of their ire is the poor overall booking that marred the 2015 Rumble.  It wasn't just that Reigns was being given an arguably unwarranted push, it was much of the action was severly disappointing.  Fan favourites like Bryan, Ambrose and Ziggler were cheaply dispatched like jobbers.  It felt so perfunctory, and even Kofi Kingston's escape, now an annual feature, felt disappointing in comparison to previous years' athletic feats.  When Reigns was left alone in the ring, he acted as a conduit for the fans' frustration, and has been doing so ever since.   Going ahead with a straightforward Lesnar/Reigns match-up at 'Mania without addressing this was clearly asking for trouble.

However, it should be noted that last year's Wrestlemania did become one of the most memorable WWE events in years thanks to Daniel Bryan's heroics.  The swerve was the right thing to do then, and it could be the right thing now.   Over the past week, Reigns' uneasy partnership with Bryan has lit up his prospects following a dismal program the former has been working with Big Show.  On last week's Smackdown, they worked a long 'tag-team turmoil' tournament that saw the team of Reigns and Bryan triumphant after performing throughout the entire 45-minute match.   During the match, the pair proved they were professional enough to be an effective team against several specialist duos, but also that tensions were continuing to simmer.  One notable moment was when Reigns looked uneasy as his cousins, the Usos, emerged as their next opponents.  As Bryan unloaded a vicious series of kicks on one of the twins outside the ring, Reigns even intervened of behalf of his relative.  This showed a more human side to Reigns that helps flesh out his underdeveloped character. 

Then on Raw, both had matches with lumbering big men, though the action in the ring was never the point.  As Reigns faced Kane, Bryan sat ringside and tried to distract his FastLane opponent by starting Yes chants.  This was designed to get under Reigns' skin.  Then, during Bryan's main event with Big Show, Reigns returned the favour by chatting with fans ringside, signing autographs and distributing t-shirts.  Finally, at the end of the match, the two men faced each other and the tension spilled over into a brawl.  The crowd reacted strongly to this ending, which was believably intense.

So the build-up to FastLane's main event has, eventually, worked well thanks to simpler, straightforward booking.  There's a lesson here...But the question remains, what will the outcome be?

Firstly, we could get a big clean win for Reigns.  This would make Reigns look like a viable future champion if he can prevail against an elite performer, and this will benefit his aura.   I have no doubt that this is the result WWE want, but the risk is obvious.  Given Bryan's enduring popularity, if he jobs to Reigns, his fans will surely turn on the big man.  The boos would get much louder and WWE would probably be forced to turn Reigns heel, which would be awkward as they want him to be the next big babyface.  I don't think they want to book heel Reigns versus heel Lesnar.

The second option is a clear Bryan win.  This is the most unlikely option.  Yes, it would be a crowd pleaser, but it would also be an admission that the Reigns project had failed. He would go down in history as the Rumble winner who never got to headline Wrestlemania, and that would hurt his reputation too badly.  Remember how Damien Sandow's career dwindled immediately after he failed to cash in Money In The Bank?

The most likely option is a no contest or a screwy result either way that leads to further storyline complications.   This would pave the way for both men to face off against Lesnar in a triple threat match.  This isn't ideal, as a common complaint about WWE PPVs is the number of inconclusive finishes that dog main events.  However, it could be the least worst option, as it would allow the Bryan vs Reigns feud to simmer further all the way to a 'Mania match that the WWE Universe would accept as legitimate.

Main Eventers in the Mid-Card

As a fan of Dean Ambrose, to me his brief main event run seems like an odd fever dream, as most of the finishes were so bizarre (distracted by a hologram?  temporarily blinded by an exploding monitor?).  Of course, he was only elevated due to the injury-enforced absences of Reigns and Bryan, but he was extremely over, as his merchandise sales proved.  So it's a little worrying that he's now languishing back in the mid-card following a poor feud with Bray Wyatt.

Nonetheless, I'm reasonably comfortable that his IC Title feud with Bad News Barrett is a decent prospect.  For one thing, his rationale, quickly explained in a promo, is clear and unambiguous.  He wants the prestige of the belt, and sees a sarcastic Englishman barring his way, so he wants a match at FastLane.  Furthermore, the farcical bondage-themed contract-signing (dubbed '50 Shades Of Ambrose' by online commenters) was his most entertaining segment in months.  David Otunga even joined in the fun on Twitter, mock-complaining that, in his expert legal opinion, the contract was clearly signed under duress and should be thrown out.   I believe that Ambrose, who has a stronger status in WWE than career mid-carder Barrett, will win the title.  He can then, booked properly and given plenty of air-time, elevate the title and maintain his own profile until he's ready to re-join the main event scene.  No need to rush things.

Then Barrett can continue his new feud with Wayne Rooney......

More intrigiung is that John  Cena, the ultimate main event-hog, has also dropped down to the mid-card.  He's the latest opponent for the formidable (pseudo-Russian) Bulgarian Brute, Rusev.   So far, Rusev's mouthpiece, Lana, has taunted Cena for being an old, broken-down man.  This approach is interesting, as it could be more reality-based than is immediately clear.  At 37, Cena's hardly ancient but it's known that he is carrying injuries.  Never the sprightliest of performers, Cena has lately slowed down his style and now wrestles at a very deliberate pace, and more infrequently.  I suspect that he's paying the price for rushing back too quickly from injury breaks.   Whatever, to maintain his monster heel momentum, Rusev needs to win this, and I believe he will.  I think Cena is just starting to transition into a part-time role now.

Of course, if Super Cena returns and squashes Rusev in five minutes, forget I ever wrote this.....

Rollins is in limbo

No-one in WWE has been quite as feted over the past year as Seth Rollins.  As the Authority's chosen figurehead, he has been faultless both as an explosive technical wrestler and a genuinely loathsome promo guy.   He is the perfect heel.  So it seems very odd that he's been allowed to drift so badly, and he even admitted as much in his promo on Raw last week.   Er, is it really a good idea for WWE to point out booking errors in this manner?
 
Part of the problem is that, as the Money In the Bank briefcase holder, he's had virtually no chance to cash in as Brock Lesnar never wrestles outside PPVs.   The case has become a bit of an albatross, as he can't really get involved in the main event scene given that the holder is supposed to stalk on the outside then strike unexpectedly.  An absentee champion makes this strategy impossible.


At the moment, he's engaged in a filler program with the similarly drifting Dolph Ziggler.  The action's been good, but the storyline background isn't strong.  The whole Ziggler, Rowan and Ryback sacking was an underwhelming angle that should be forgotten, yet this is dragging on now.  There'll probably be a six-man tag  match (also involving J&J Security) at FastLane, which will have its moments but be inconsequential.

I understand the idea is that Randy Orton will return in the run-up to 'Mania' as a face, and this will be a major program for Rollins.  This is fine, but surely he could be used better than this in the interim.  After all Ambrose has unfinished business with his treacherous former compadre.

The rest

Elsewhere, it's more predictable.  Bray Wyatt is being prepared for a match with Undertaker and will continue to issue cryptic statements.  Sting will continue to spook out HHH, but will be elusive.   The Bellas will continue their dominant mean girl act, but Paige might get a surprise victory over Nikki leading to a re-match at Wrestlemania.   The tag team division will continue its slide towards irrelevance.

FastLane is a real turning point for WWE.   Booking has been unsatisfactory for a long time now, but they need to tighten up the storylines to set up the year's biggest show.  Whether they can do that remains to be seen.

The Death of Kayfabe, pt 94....

Watching TNA's re-boot, it's been very noticeable how they've embraced 'the reality era' in wrestling.  A definite effort has been made to place their show within the real world.  So far Mike Tenay has hosted sit-down interviews with both Magnus and Kenny King.  In both cases, the interviewees adopted the same strategy, delivering a mixture of comments in character combined with reflections on the real-life journeys both men have embarked on as professional wrestlers.  In truth, it's not too difficult to tell where the boundaries between the two men's actual life stories and the boasting of the fictional characters lie, but these have still been revealing segments that are a damn site more interesting than the scripted 'interviews' trotted out by certain WWE talents recently (no names need to be mentioned....).   Elsewhere, Lashley has addressed MVP using his real name, Hassan, and the commentary team have dropped references to other wrestling companies, showing that they see themselves as part of a wider overall industry.  Josh Matthews has even been caught using insider terms, like 'audible' (i.e. loud spot-calling), while the mic's on.

WWE, of course, created the reality era when it green-lighted C M Punk's legendary pipebomb promo.  In seven minutes, a stunned Raw audience witnessed something it had never heard before. This was a distinctly tweenerish heel promo that insulted the audience but chimed with the IWC with its complaints about the staleness of the WWE product and its failure to build new stars.   By self-consciously breaking the fourth-wall and even including a shout-out to a short-lived WWE star using (gasp!) his indie name of Colt Cabana, he drew gasps from a crowd used to an extremely insular product. 

Punk is long gone (and indeed burned several bridges with a shocking tell-all exposé on a podcast hosted by Cabana himself) and it seems WWE have rolled this back a bit.  Sure, you might still hear the odd real-life reference, like Bray Wyatt taunting Dean Ambrose over his genuinely tough childhood in Cincinnati.  Yet this feels strictly incidental.  Ultimately, WWE takes place in a thoroughly unrealistic bubble, known as the 'WWE Universe'.  It's a land where no other serious promotions exist, a land where there is no wrestling, just 'sports entertainment', and where a leading monster heel flies into tapings every week from his home in far-off Moscow without suffering any jet-lag at all.

This bubble is hermetically sealed, although complications occur once you get to NXT, where outside promotions are actually mentioned (understandable, given the Japanese back-stories of Hideo Itami, Finn Balor and Adrian Neville).  However, NXT is outside the WWE Universe, and should be seen as an indie promotion that just happens to exist under the overall WWE umbrella.  It's a little tricky.

But what's this?  Recent editions of Raw have trailed the Stone Cold podcast which happens on the Network straight after Raw ends, and has featured candid interviews in which Austin has asked both Vince and HHH tough questions and got straight answers.  This features content about 'booking decisions' and backstage discussions about who is wanting to grab that mythical brass ring.  In short, the kayfabe nature of wrestling, which Raw largely upholds, goes out the window as soon as Raw ends and the Network takes over.

Essentially, in different ways, both companies are doing something very similar here.  They are saying that in the internet age, they understand that everyone knows wrestling is scripted and pre-determined.  The days when 'Apter mags' like Pro-Wrestling Illustrated pretended that all feuds were real now seem quaint.  The game is up for kayfabe.  Many complain that this has drained the fun out of the game, and the child-like innocence has been lost forever as magazines like FSM, blogs like this and endless dirtshirt sites all reveal that the reason Roman Reigns is set for the main event of Wrestlemania is that Vince likes him a lot.  It's not down to wrestling ability.

I understand this thinking, but can't help feeling it's not quite that simple.  Yes, you can say an era passed as soon as Vince admitted that wrestling was fixed after the Montreal Screwjob, but in truth, you could work it out for yourself.  When I was a kid watching British wrestling on Saturday afternoons, there was a true monstrous heel named Giant Haystacks, a king-size bully who terrorised babyfaces like Big Daddy.  My 11-year-old self saw him as the embodiment of evil.  But the more I watched wrestling the more I realised that if he really was that unhinged and violent, no-one would ever agree to face him in the ring.   I didn't yet know the phrase 'unsafe working environment' but realised that this was a situation no amount of money could persuade me to enter.  Did this detract from my enjoyment?  Not one bit.  I still bought into the matches, but realised afterwards it was all just entertainment.  In reality, Giant Haystacks was Martin Ruane, a devout Catholic whose moral code meant he often refused to wrestle on the Sabbath.

I've heard the complaint that wrestling should try to compete more with multi-layered TV shows like Breaking Bad or Game Of Thrones.  This is perhaps asking a bit too much.  After all, we're living through a clear golden age of American television that started with The Sopranos and The Wire, and a humble wrestling show might struggle to attain those levels of narrative heights.  Nonetheless, I think this complaint has a grain of truth.  The problem with most modern wrestling is that it rarely bothers to offer any compelling narratives.  Daniel Bryan's triumph at Wrestlemania XXX worked so well because it was based on a long-running story of a talented yet average-looking guy getting held down and finally triumphing because of innate ability and a hell of a lot of heart.  I have rarely felt so elated after watching a wrestling match, but this is a big exception to the usual rule.

Likewise, the one storyline I'm fixated on in 2015 is the continuing saga of Rockstar Spud and Ethan Carter III.  Unusally for TNA, they haven't rushed this one at all.  Spud's face-turn has been a slow-burner, as the easily-led Brummie has finally realised that EC3 cannot be trusted.  The latter has now employed the large-framed Tyrus (a latterday Haystacks?) as his willing henchman in an attempt to destroy Spud's spirit.  However, Spud is fighting back with the help of Mandrews, the Welshman who won British Bootcamp last year. Mandrews has an array of great high-flying moves and wants to fight for the right cause.  So far EC3's evil machinations have dominated, but everyone involved has played their part perfectly.  It's simple, old-school booking and it works.  On Sunday night, I wanted to hit EC3 over the head with an umbrella like old ladies at a 70s British show.  Despite being aware that I was watching an actor perform a role, I still hated him so much, because his performance was so despicably good. 

The death of kayfabe is not a problem so long as good stories are told in the ring, and this is the true problem.  It's not happening enough, as too many matches have minimal or no build, particularly in WWE.  But just as I can simultaneously applaud James Gandolfini's performance and be appalled at Tony Soprano's actions, I understand that Michael Hutter is doing a great job at being bad in the role of EC3.  I hope he never turns face.

Time Travel With TNA

The re-boot for Impact Wrestling is going pretty well.  The presentation has definitely improved, the show seems livelier than the increasingly torpid Raw and even Taz is pretty tolerable now he's been paired with Josh Matthews.   However, some of TNA's flaws continue, and one is a direct result of their economy drive.  In order to get the best value out of booking venues, TNA shoots a lot of television at once.  On the current British tour, they are shooting two episodes per night on each of the three dates before returning to Orlando for a week of massive taping sessions that will produce programming up till the end of April plus eight One Night Only specials.  This leads to odd timing problems.

Last night in Glasgow, TNA pulled two surprises, with the full-time return of Mickie James plus the signing of Drew Galloway (who was formerly Drew McIntyre in WWE).  The former is perhaps the lesser surprise, given that TNA's women's division needs more bodies and Mickie's partner (and father of her child) is Magnus.  A very logical signing.   However, Galloway genuinely made me raise a quizzical eyebrow, as he seemed to be happy on the UK indie scene.  In particular he played a major role in BBC Scotland's "Insane Fight Club 2" documentary about cult Glaswegian promotion ICW, in which the Ayr-born grappler was apparently returning home.  TNA has pulled a definite swerve here.

However, this left TNA with a dilemma.   As there was absolutely no chance of either signing not being splashed all over social media as well as wrestling news sites, the cat was clearly not just out of the proverbial bag, but had also announced its escape via its Twitter account.  So, somewhat meekly, the company has announced the news on its website, even though the episodes in question have not been shown anywhere in the world yet.  They have issued perhaps the first officially-announced spoilers in wrestling history.  Even though their current approach obviously makes economic sense it leads to scenarios like this where the company ends up looking rather strange and not entirely professional.

Last year, I attended the London tapings, which felt a little surreal as the night was the last of the UK dates.  Three unseen episodes separated the most recently-aired edition of Impact Wrestling and the action I was going to see.  What became clear was that storylines had moved on considerably in the interim, and we could only guess at what had happened.  New alliances had certainly been formed, but why was Austin Aries acting as a referee?  And, more to the point, what was the deal with those extremely revealing shorts he was wearing?   Furthermore, wrestlers in their promos kept referring to a PPV happening in three days' time.  In reality, this event was six weeks away!

So time has a different meaning in  TNA's universe; has anyone told Stephen Hawking?   I get the feeling that even the esteemed Cambridge don, renowned for his theories about the paradoxical nature of time, may struggle to follow what's happening when he watches the One Night Only shows.   These are basically slot-filling events that enable TNA to maintain its contractual commitments to Challenge and other partners despite having drastically cut down on its PPV schedule.   They are non-canon, so exist outside of weekly storylines.  This sounds fine in principle, but it does mean that the shows are literally inconsequential.  You might see decent action, but the show ultimately won't have any lasting effects.  Even more jarring is the fact that these events still offend against chronology, simply because of TNA's predilection for constant turns.  As months can pass between the shooting and airing of a ONO special, it is inevitable that you will see current faces acting as heels and vice versa.  So the programmes seem curiously outdated.

The better ONO shows are the ones that have a theme.  Towards the end of 2014, TNA aired a rather interesting Knockouts special, in which top talent from the American indie circuit faced off against TNA stars.  This was clearly a tryout session, in which TNA could cast a critical eye over potential new female signings.  This was enjoyable as it allowed us to see the likes of Mia Yim, Reby Sky and Veda Scott on TV, and allowed the existing Knockouts (who have faced each other way too many times) to have fresh match-ups.  This is all good stuff.   However, it was just shown too late in the year for two reasons.  First of all, EC3 and Spud presented the show using heel personae, which felt odd as Spud had since turned face and was now even feuding with Dixie's evil nephew, a feud which continues today.  Even odder was the fact that we already knew who won this talent show.  Jessicka Havok, here introduced for 'the first time' was actually an Impact regular by this point.  Furthermore, she lost, which rather undercuts the 'unstoppable wrecking machine' image she now has.  It seems irresponsible to air something that actually harms the image they're trying to present for Havok.

Whatever, timing is a real mess in TNA.  On forums, I've seen it suggested that the promotion should purchase its own venue, thus meaning they don't have expensive hire fees and can shoot without long gaps before airing.  This is surely the answer, and I'm amazed they haven't set up a venue in Memphis in which they can build up a specific flavour for their product (just like Paul Heyman did with the ECW Arena in Philadelphia).  The Carters have the money to make this happen. 

I don't want this to be a complete moan, and I reiterate that I do enjoy TNA,  But this is an issue that needs to be sorted, as it's leading to absurdity.

Can the Roman Reigns project be rescued?

It says a lot that a PPV that contained a five-star match, which was a rollercoaster of excitement, still ended with chants of 'We want refunds'.   WWE managed the seemingly impossible by booking an even worse Royal Rumble match than last year.

Before I discuss Roman Reigns' badly botched coronation at the Rumble, I'll note that Seth Rollins deserves a lot of praise for his exceptional performance.  He proved that he absolutely belonged among the highest echelon of the WWE's ranks, as for long periods he was carrying that fight, and supplied the two most memorable spots: a reckless aerial dive to send Lesnar through a table, and an Adrian Neville-style corkscrew twist.  In fact, Rollins can probably feel aggrieved that the best performance of his career was overshadowed by later events.

The eventually hostile Philadelphia crowd, after failing to engage with a tepid undercard (Damien Mizdow excepted), reacted to the triple threat title match with glee, and no wonder.  It was breathlessly exciting action throughout.  So it wasn't a problem when the Rumble itself started slowly.  After all, we needed to catch our breath.  There was a nice unexpected moment when Bully...er, I mean Bubba Ray Dudley came out to a fair pop.   He proved in his TNA run that he's still got it, and I'd like to see him have one last run in the E.

The real problem started when crowd favourite Daniel Bryan entered surprisingly early.  His clashes with Bray Wyatt looked promising and were logical given the pair's past history.  However, shockingly Bray got to eliminate Bryan before the match entered its final stages.   The crowd's response immediately turned sour, as one of the potential stars of the fight had basically been given the kind of role dished out to someone like Fandango.  The crowd's mood turned ugly, and matters weren't helped by the sheer flatness of the in-ring action.   A strong performance by Bryan would have got the crowd energised, but amazingly WWE threw this chance away. 

Eventually Reigns entered to a severely subdued reaction.  The early exit of Bryan meant that Reigns was certain to win, almost, as the company is clearly unwilling to create a swerve to benefit a fan favourite like Ambrose or Ziggler.  Hell, even an unlikley victory for Mizdow would have placated an irritable crowd.  Unsurprisingly, Dean Ambrose did get the second biggest pop of the Rumble, and I started to wonder if perhaps it was his night.  No such luck; as the final foursome consisted of Ambrose, Reigns plus (give me strength) Big Show and Kane, it was clear that Ambrose's sole role was to help his former Shield colleague clear the ring.  After Ambrose's exit, Reigns pulled off a double elimination of the two big men, and, in a twist, found he also had to eliminate Rusev, which he did in perfunctory fashion.  Boos rang out, and even an appearance by Reigns' more illustrious cousin, The Rock, failed to improve the crowd's mood.   Reigns looked visibly unnerved. His big night had turned into a disaster.  Worse was to come with the news that online fans had also acted in anger, with so many Network subscribers cancelling their contracts that the cancellation page reportedly crashed.

This is brutal, and it would be easy to conclude that the Roman Reigns experiment has crashed and burned, much like the career of Vince McMahon's 'chosen one' Drew McIntyre.   However, I think it's possible to rescue this.  Reigns' debit column has clear entries.  For example, he cannot deliver a decent promo and probably never will be able to.  Also, compared to the other Shield members (both seasoned indie veterans), he is very green as a performer, and away from his signature power moves, a lot of his offence lacks conviction.

However, we shouldn't be too hasty here.  For one thing, whether we like it or not Reigns will headline Wrestlemania this year.  Plus he has good looks and natural charisma, so it should be possible to build on this.  Also, while he's not there yet, his in-ring skills are improving  But things need to change.  Not every crowd will be as hostile as Philadelphia, but if he gets booed in other smarkish cities like New York or Chicago, his reputation will suffer further.

So what can WWE do?  Here's my three-step plan:

1)  Stop the atrocious cheesy promos he's been forced to recite.   Sufferin' succotash, they've been dreadful!  I suspect WWE has started to learn this lesson, as he's been talking less recently.  He should be packaged as a man of few words who is more concerned with action.  This was how he was presented in the Shield and it worked.

2) Put him in a program with Seth Rollins.  Not only does this make storyline sense, working with a superior technician like that will improve his skills significantly.  Also, get Dean Ambrose to partner him in tag matches; they will be good matches and hopefully Ambrose's natural connection with the crowd will start to rub off on Reigns.

3) Lesnar vs Reigns isn't a very exciting prospect, but there's scope to change this as a main event.  Daniel Bryan can start lobbying that, as he never lost the belt in the ring, he deserves a chance to regain it at Wrestlemania.  This is fraught with danger, as Bryan's fan popularity would mean Reigns would be overshadowed if a triple threat occurred.  But that may still not be a bad idea ultimately. 

The reason is that Roman Reigns should be seen as a long-term prospect who should not be rushed.  The Royal Rumble match was poorly handled but hopefully WWE can learn lessons and act to rescue his project.  After all, last year's reaction to Batista led to Daniel Bryan's elevation at a memorable Wrestlemania.  A similar plan is needed urgently now.


FOOTNOTE: I'm already reading that WWE have discussed inserting Daniel Bryan into the main event and have dismissed it as it would be a repeat of last year.   Funny how repetition was never an issue when John Cena and Randy Orton hogged the main event limelight.....This is a mistake.  A re-run that the audience can get behind is better than a fresh match-up that the audience doesn't care about.

WWE: Survivor Series thoughts

Rather than write a full review here, I thought I'd give a few thoughts about the main things I took another event which demonstrated both WWE's strengths and weaknesses.  In truth, I've recently felt very down about WWE's weekly programming - I turned off in disgust last week - while realising that the E's current saving grace is that they do raise their games for PPVs.  I felt that, being free on the Network and thus a big draw, Survivor Series needed to knock it out of the park.  It managed that in the final few minutes, right enough, but was often severely disappointing before that.  We'll start with the one big question:

Are PPVs now just episodes of Raw with a few extra bells and whistles?

Once, the demarcation between television and pay-per-view was clear.  On the weekly TV shows you built up the storylines, and on PPV, those storylines would be resolved.  Today, those lines have become blurred, and while last night, one big storyline seemed to end, there were still plenty of question marks left lying around.  The other point is that, due to budget cutbacks necessitated by the failure of the Network to capture enough paying customers, most PPVs don't have specially designed sets any more, just using standard Raw layouts.  Little things like that actually matter in creating a 'big event' feel, so I think this is a mistake.

But I think something deeper is happening here, and it may even be only happening on a subconscious level,  rather than something that's intended.  As WWE fans are supposed now to be watching everything on the Network (a somewhat sore point if, like me, you live in the United Kingdom), the distinction between what you see on weekly shows and on PPVs is lost, as they both are covered by your monthly fee (I can't remember what the monetary amount is, by the way...must be losing my memory...).   Let's look at the evidence.

The first warning sign came in the opening segment of Survivor Series.  In the final moments of the pre-show, we saw Vince McMahon emerging from a limousine, and right enough he opened the show by introducing Steph and Trips.  There then followed a lengthy segment where they discussed the stipulations for the main event, and Cena eventually joined in.  In other words, it felt just like a normal episode of Raw, which almost always starts with a twenty-minute talk-heavy section involving the Authority....Now, this is not how PPVs should work at all.  By all means, use a short promo or montage film to set the scene for each fight, but the amount of talking should be severely curtailed, to create a different mood and ensure the focus is on action.  It certainly didn't help that the exposition-heavy dialogue sounded very unnatural.  WWE Creative have a tin ear for creating promos these days, which explains why the only decent verbals come from people like Heyman, Ambrose, Wyatt and (occasionally) Cena, who can improvise when required.  Sadly, Cena seemed to stick to a clunky script last night.

Also, later on, some of the more inconsequential matches felt like they'd been airlifted in from poor editions of Raw.  Adam Rose and the Bunny vs Slater Gator was probably never going to be a five-star display of technical finesse, but it was over before it even began.  As Edge recently said in an interview, you cannot tell a decent story in just a couple of minutes.  In fact, the segment that set up the match was probably longer.  Even worse was a Nikki Bella vs AJ Lee match which led to Nikki winning in under 30 seconds.  That's even shorter than the average Divas match on Raw.  Has AJ done something to offend senior management?   WWE should have nixed both these matches, but quality control is sadly often missing.

WWE's hottest new babyface...is a heel?

OK, who saw this coming?  Just a few short months ago, Damien Sandow engaged in a weekly fancy dress party, where he would dress up as some historical or fictional character, insult the audience, and then get humiliated in some way.  It was dire stuff, but Sandow emerged as a trouper, performing ridiculous segments with a fair bit of conviction.  It seemed to be the last gasp for someone whose career had been on the slide since failing to cash in his Money In The Bank briefcase.  However, someone noticed how good his performances were, and he was given a new role.  As The Miz returned from Hollywood as an obnoxious film-star heel, he employed Sandow, renamed Mizdow, as his personal stunt double.  This led to weird scenes where, during Miz's matches, Mizdow would copy all of his employer's moves, even selling his injuries.

This proved far more entertaining than it sounds, and crowds starting cheering Mizdow, who has became a de facto babyface.  In last night's opening match, a four-way tag bout, the crowd were impatiently yelling 'We want Mizdow' throughout. Heelishly, Miz refused to tag his partner in, clearly jealous of the fan reaction.  WWE also teased the crowd, by allowing Mizdow a tag, but then saw him getting blind-tagged before he could mount any offence.  The match was entertaining enough, with the Usos coming off well again, but for the crowd it was all about Damien, ultimately.  He did manage to pick up the winning pin, but that was his only meaningful action.  Hopefully, they are saving him for a big turn shortly.

Clearly, the tag team won't last too much longer, and Mizdow will become Sandow again when his proper face turn means he feuds with Miz (expect that to happen by TLC).  But this is really heartening stuff.

The Divas division sinks further

Ever wondered why Raw matches featuring the cast of Total Divas only last a couple of minutes?   Last night proved the answer.  They worked an interminable Survivor Series match which proved how unsuited most of them are to working a full-length bout.   This did had a handful of moments, supplied by their decent female wrestlers like Naomi and Paige.  I wonder if the latter misses the excellent bouts she used to have on NXT? But by and large, it was a mess of blown spots and inane catfighting.  Earlier in the evening, I watched a TNA bout in which Gail Kim, Havok and Taryn Terrell came across as strong, forceful women.  It only highlighted how insulting the portrayal of these childish, shrieking Divas is.

Eventually, with heel Paige facing all four faces alone, the crowd got behind her and I looked forward to seeing the East Anglian ploughing through her vacuous foes.  Unfortunately, she was quickly pinned for a babyface wipeout victory.  The Divas division needs a complete re-think.

Dean Ambrose is now the WWE's most reliable PPV performer

I sometimes wonder if I should just turn this into a Dean Ambrose fan blog, but last night he did it again.  For some reason his rivalry with Bray Wyatt hasn't really ignited as it should in terms of build-up, but last night they had an absolute war.   Despite his weight, Wyatt proved an excellent partner, capable of keeping up with the manic speed at which Ambrose works.  Both men worked an ultra-stiff style; if Brock Lesnar's famous victory over Cena needs to be remembered for its German suplexes, then this was all about the vicious series of clotheslines delivered by both men.

It ended in a DQ.  Bray took a mic, and goaded Ambrose, who grabbed a chair.  Despite warnings from the ref, Dean decided he just wanted to beat up his tormentor; winning no longer mattered.  Wyatt was then laid out through a table, and Ambrose, living up to his unstable reputation, piled further chairs and tables on top of his prone victim before climbing up a ladder to survey his handiwork.  The record books will list Bray Wyatt as the winner, but Dean Ambrose again comes out with enhanced status, even if he's back in the midcard.

This rivalry will now continue through to TLC.  Suddenly, I'm quite happy with this, as the temperature has risen considerably after last night.

An interlude with Roman Reigns

There was a brief moment where Michael Cole continued his series of video interviews with the injured Roman Reigns, who promised he'd return next month.  These interviews have drawn criticism, apparently inside WWE as well as among fans, for Reigns' lifeless and wooden delivery.   As a result, he's been ordered to take acting lessons, and tonight was our first chance to see the results of his.  And, yes, he has improved.  He varied the tone of his voice more, and used pauses.  Unfortunately, it still wasn't very convincing.  It's partly down to the predictably hackneyed script (please, WWE, get some new writers), but I never got the sense that he believed in what he was saying (ironic, given his catchphrase...).  He's never going to be a natural mic worker, so WWE needs to find a way round this.  Could he be the next Paul Heyman guy?

A very eventful main event

When the Survivor Series teams were announced, I thought that they had made a considerable mistake by packing both teams full of the type of big men Vince prefers.  A match like this needs to build momentum, so faster, high-flying workers are more appropriate.  The idea of Big Show, Mark Henry and Kane dragging their huge, ageing frames round the ring was not particularly engaging, therefore.  However, WWE had a plan here: ensure that lots of surprises occur to keep the interest up.  The first surprise was that almost immediately Big Show eliminated Mark Henry; so much for the World's Strongest Man whose performance was curiously weak.   Ryback then ran through his tedious arsenal of power moves.  I don't like the guy at all, but his face run has been well received by fans, so it was very odd to see him cleanly pinned by the admittedly red-hot Rusev.  While I don't like his booking much, I'm coming round to the Bulgarian, who is starting to emerge as one of the better big men.  Is this the end of the Ryback push?  Seems premature.  More likely, this was just a side-effect of WWE stuffing the match full of moments people would remember.  Rusev's own exit was cleverly booked.   Attempting to lay Dolph Ziggler out, he found that Ziggler moved too quickly and instead he knocked himself out on the announce desk, failing to beat the count.  In this way, he can be eliminated but can still claim he's never been pinned.

The other oddity was the performance of Cena, who was curiously marginal and far from a leader on the night.   He put in a disinterested performance, before being blindsided by a sudden Big Show heel turn.  After being floored by someone who frankly has turned far too often, Cena was eliminated.  Show shook HHH's hand to confirm his new-found villainy and walked off, and the fact he'd earlier taken out a heel was forgotten.  This was the first point that I thought that the surprisingly elaborate booking was starting to go too far.

Now the attention turned to Dolph Ziggler, the last remaining member of Team Cena.  Initially, he was tossed around the ring like a rag doll by the three remaining heels, but, in line with standard babyface booking, he hulked up and found the strength to pin both Kane and Luke Harper.  Finally, we were left with a final coupling of Ziggler and Seth Rollins, who are ironically the kind of quick, average-sized guys who should be been used throughout.  Following some good exchanges, Ziggler hit the zig-zag on Rollins and rolled him up for the pin....at which point the real shenanigans started.  Triple H, seeing his power slipping away, got desperate.  He pulled the ref out the ring so he couldn't count to three, and then went wild, laying out a second ref before pedigreeing Dolph.  With both legal wrestlers laid out, HHH laid Rollins across Ziggler and called for crooked Authority-approved ref Scott Armstrong. As he arrived, the real coup de theatre finally was unleashed.....

The Sting in the tail....

WWE played an absolute blinder here, let's be honest.  Social media had been buzzing all week with rumours that Sting would make his WWE debut at Survivor Series.  This was roundly dismissed as yet another groundless internet rumour, and it was inevitably mocked by humour sites such as Kayfabe News and Wrestling Memes.  And, to be honest, the main event was so incident-packed that I'm sure everyone had already forgotten this rumour already.   So when the Titantron stopped everyone in their tracks as it played Sting's video introduction, and the man finally walked out into a WWE arena, it was an amazing moment.  Sting then marked his debut by dropping Armstrong (really not a good night to be a WWE referee...).  Obviously, WWE themselves started this rumour clandestinely, then sat back and watched it develop entirely according to plan.

It really says something when two men (in this case HHH and Sting) can stand in a ring merely staring each other down and the crowd responds with chants of 'This is awesome',  It's a testament to how well this was set up.

After this, it was relatively simple.  Sting moved first, and floored Trips with the Scorpion Death Drop, then moved the still-lifeless body of Ziggler on top of Rollins.  The original ref conveniently recovered and counted a victory for Team Cena.

The match was overbooked, and needed some odd twists to work, but it seemed worth it for the conclusion.

Where now?

It looks like the immediate career paths for Ambrose / Wyatt (continue feuding) and Damien Sandow (turn on Miz) are pretty clear.  Elsewhere, it's less obvious.  Three big questions arise now:

• What is Sting's agenda here?  Presumably he has Triple H in his sights, but why?
• No-one has experienced the rollercoaster of stop/start booking quite like Dolph Ziggler.  Does his strong booking in this match mean his push is back on?
• And is this really the end of The Authority?  The last thing we heard was Steph hysterically yelling that this wasn't the case.  I believe her; after all, though she and her husband have now been forced back into desk jobs, Vince has said that the one man who can restore them to power is John Cena....could this be *gasp*, the long-awaited Cena heel turn?

I'm getting ahead of myself here.  Some, but not all, of the answers may be presented on tonight's Raw.....

The 10 Dumbest Things in Modern Wrestling

Normally I try to wring something positive out of my pieces on modern wrestling, even this means I end up writing fan pieces about how great Dean Ambrose is.  However, we have to face facts.  Wrestling is getting dumber.  Sure, you might think of the dying days of WCW, and WWE's Attitude Era, as being wrestling's true dumbest days, the former characterised by terrible booking, the latter by puerile toilet humour.  However, both WWE and TNA have outdone themselves in recent years with a number of questionable angles and ridiculous ideas and appalling performances.  So here's a run down of ten things that should never have happened.  Some are one-off events, but others have dragged on into infamy.

10. Samoa Joe's ninja kidnap

In 2010, Samoa Joe was bundled into the back of a van by masked ninjas during an edition of Impact.  This felt like it could be potentially juicy story.  Who were these guys?  Were they working for Eric Bischoff?  What did they want from Joe?

So, I tuned in the following week expecting answers.  Had a ransom demand been received?  What was Dixie Carter doing to rescue one of her main assets?  But, no, no mention was made of the whole affair, nor the next week or the week after that.   Three months later, Joe re-appeared, without saying anything about his horrific ordeal.  In fact, he looked surprisingly lacking in any signs of trauma at all.  The kidnapping was never mentioned again, but I still live in hope that one day the true story will be revealed.

Basically, this was a prime example of Vince Russo's inept booking.  He quickly lost interest in ideas he was bored with, and he seemed to assume fans would forget loose ends that had been left dangling.  However, even by his standards, this was absurd; the angle was literally over in a matter of minutes.  Joe was later interviewed about it all, and had some scathing comments about Russo's career as TNA head booker:  "He has the audacity to blame all of his silliness on other people. And by the way wrestlers, pro wrestlers all over the world and people in the business, stop whoring yourself out to shoot interviews. This man couldn't write his way out of a kidnapping. That's how much respect he had for the product, how much respect he had for the fans and that is indicative of his style of what he did.".  Harsh but fair words.  Joe did reveal one upside though: he had a very enjoyable three month paid vacation.....

9. The Anonymous Raw GM

This selection is mostly to do with how it was eventually wrapped up, really.  The initial gimmick wasn't too bad, I suppose.  The set-up was this: in 2010 a new general manager for Raw had been appointed, but had demanded that his or her identity be kept secret.  No reason for this, but maybe it's still arguably a credible arrangement.  Anyway, the Anonymous Raw GM issued edicts via e-mails sent to Michael Cole's laptop.  Every week, Cole would faithfully read out the orders which showed this mysterious authority figure to be deeply mischievous, often overturning results or placing wrestlers in unfair handicap matches.  Who could this be?  Had Vickie Guerrero taken on the role and decided that her power was best exercised at a distance?  Maybe Teddy Long had turned heel and....actually, no, I can't remember the Anonymous Raw GM arranging random tag team matches on a regular basis, so this couldn't be him.

However, there was no real storyline.  This new GM just acted capriciously to annoy both faces and heels week after week without rhyme or reason.  Furthermore, the credibility of this was undermined by badly-chosen camera angles that revealed that Cole was actually reading from sheets of paper placed on top of the laptop.  There was a flicker of interest when Edge, announcing a 'war on stupidity', started feuding with the GM, memorably destroying the laptop in a fit of anger.  This led to the Canadian star being picked on, suffering losses due to interference arranged by the still-unmasked GM.  But this fizzled out after Edge was traded to Smackdown.

In 2011, over a year after it began, the angle was quietly dropped with HHH becoming the de facto boss of Raw.  The identity of the Anonymous Raw GM was still not revealed.  Yet in 2012, suddenly Cole's laptop pinged back into action during an episode of Raw.  As he read out the new instruction, the area under the ring was searched by Santino and the true culprit was at last unveiled as.....Hornswoggle.   Yes, apparently, an inconsequential joke character had been running wild in the role.   No reasons were given for his reign of terror, and the whole thing was basically laughed off.  This was a tremendous anti-climax, the unfunny punchline to a joke everyone had already become tired of.

8. Michael Cole turns heel

During the first season of NXT in 2010, Cole, a long-time play-by-play announcer on Raw, turned heel in order to become a sarcastic color commentator.  This became a truly weird move, as clearly Cole had been told by Vince McMahon to trash the show completely.  In particular, during the first season, he relentlessly picked on former Ring of Honor star Daniel Bryan, castigating him as an 'internet darling' who wouldn't be able to cope with the 'big leagues' of the WWE.   The same happened the following year with Low-Ki (named Kaval for his brief WWE career). This already breaks two golden rules of television:  don't, under any circumstances, talk down your product and don't insult your audience.  This felt like Vince pointlessly trying to settle a grudge with cooler indie wrestling cultures and followers.  Also, the show itself was deeply awful, full of childish party games disguised as 'challenges'.  A whole compendium of dumb, then, and nothing like the excellent HHH-helmed reboot of NXT that currently airs.


This heel run continued onto Raw, where fresh problems emerged, some of which I've already covered above.   Overall, the commentary dynamic was now all wrong, given that he was again working as a play-by-play guy.  Now this role basically requires the commentator to be the friend of the audience, calling the action straight while displaying babyface sympathies.  Only the color commentator should be an antagonist, but of course, Lawler was performing that role as a face.

Things got worse when the two commentators starting feuding in an immensely childish way.  This reached a nadir when Cole insulted Lawler's dead mother.  Stay classy, WWE.  Once again this ignored time-tested rules: the commentators should report on the story, they shouldn't be the story.  The feud culminated in a terrible, waste-of-time match at Wrestemania XXVII, which was even repeated at two separate minor PPVs.   The heel run continued into September 2012, when Jerry Lawler suffered a heart attack during a live Raw.  Cole deservedly drew praise for how he handled a stressful situation with calmness and professionalism.  After that, the heel persona seemed inappropriate, and he reverted to his old style.

Even so, the entire run was misconceived and badly executed for over two years, in which several rules of how to run a wrestling show where totally ignored and flouted.

7. Piggie James

I'm afraid I can't find any humour here.   In the words of good ol' JR, this whole angle was 'bowling shoe ugly' and clear evidence of deeply-entrenched sexism in WWE.  Mickie James, playing babyface, was constantly taunted by the heel partnership of Layla and Michelle McCool ('Laycool') who likened her to a pig.  Basically, this was Vince's way of telling James (who was far from fat, and had a perfectly normal figure) to ,lose weight, so that she could have the figure of a Kelly Kelly or an Eve Torres.  He wanted to humiliate her in public.   The whole angle made a clear mockery of WWE's anti-bullying campaign which was running at the time.

As well as being disgusting, Laycool were an absolute carbon copy of TNA's Beautiful People faction.  At times, both Layla and McCool (neither of whom have ever been comfortable as heels) actually seemed to be copying the mannerisms of Angelina Love and Velvet Sky, reproducing that mixture of cruelty and vacuity.  Although not even TNA's pair of mean girls would sink as low as this. An absolutely horrible storyline.

The only good thing about this is that it seemed to persuade Mickie that she was better off elsewhere.  She moved on to TNA, where she found love in real life with Magnus.  Earlier this year, the English wrestler became the proud father of her first child.  Don't you love a happy ending?  Meanwhile, Magnus is up next....

6.  Magnus' convoluted title defence

TNA has often been criticised for needlessly overbooked angles and matches, and this criticism was certainly valid during Magnus' title reign in late 2013 / early 2014.  Magnus was unfortunately booked as a 'paper champion', whose reign was only possible due to the baneful influence of heel boss Dixie Carter and her associates Ethan Carter III and Rockstar Spud.

Whatever, Magnus became the first British star to be champion of a televised US wrestling organisation in December 2013, by winning the 'Dixie-land' match against Jeff Hardy.  This curious confection was a combination of a cage match and a ladder match.  Basically, you had to escape the cage and then collect the belt using a ladder positioned on top of the ramp.  The match was, despite this gimmicky approach, still watchable, partly because of Jeff Hardy's willingness to take spectacular bumps.

However, when it came to Magnus' first defence, against AJ Styles, the booking was spectacularly awful.  It started with a couple of minutes of stalling from the champion, who plainly was in no mood to face his experienced opponent.  When they did finally start to grapple, the ring was immediately invaded by EC3 and Spud, who were perfectly entitled to do that as the bout was fought under no-DQ rules.  Ring invasions are a valid tool in the booking armoury, but should be used sparingly and should never occur this early in a fight.  Anyway, Sting then emerged to counter the heels (he had a beef with EC3, so there was a semblance of logic here).  Then the Bro-Mans joined in, despite having no connection with the main event feud at all.  By the time Bad Influence arrived, I started to wonder if the entire TNA roster was going to appear in the match.....

Eventually, after the over-populated ring was finally cleared of surplus personnel, Magnus got the pin over Styles to retain.  However, it almost felt like he only had a cameo role in his most important match to date due to the number of guest spots crowding him out.  AJ Styles is one of the best technical wrestlers in the world, while Magnus' improvement in the ring has been impressive during his time in TNA.  It was a real wasted opportunity; an interference-free match could have been one of the matches of the year.

Ironically, the best match of Magnus' title run was the match in he dropped the belt to Eric Young.  This was a gimmick-free straightforward match in which both men looked good.  See, TNA, you can book a simple fight if you really want to...

5. Divas play musical chairs

One of my favourite wrestling memes shows a bunch of bored-looking WWE divas playing musical chairs on Raw in 2013.  The text reads, "Move Raw to three hours, they said.  It'll be fun, they said...."

As the meme points out, the expanded running time for Raw has led to a lot of filler being aired, but surely nothing as inane as this was ever booked again.  As a song by Florida-Georgia Line played, divas gathered round the chairs and played a game designed for five-year-old children.  This being Raw, everything broke down eventually into a mass brawl full of shrieking and hair-pulling.  Not just dumb, but very predictable....

At least it was over quickly.  I always smile when people claim that WWE is the best wrestling promotion because it is the biggest.  The fact is, there isn't a single other wrestling company on the planet that would book anything like this patronising nonsense.  WWE may be big, but it's also extremely complacent when it comes to quality control.

4. Raw is Springer

As I've argued before, the whole 'guest host' strategy for Raw was deeply flawed.  For every hit (Bob Barker, Hugh Jackman, William Shatner) there were twenty misses.  Who can forget boxer Ricky Hatton resembling a deer caught in a car's headlights, or right-wing 'humorist' Dennis Miller getting the silent treatment from the crowd?

But the most awful edition was surely Jerry Springer's turn to be guest host in 2010.  The low-brow king of trash television promised to reveal WWE's most intimate secrets, as superstars turned up to tell-all live on Raw, just like on the Springer Show.  So we learned all about Kelly Kelly's sex-life (some things just should stay in the bedroom) before she started brawling with Eve.  Oh, and apparently one of the Bella Twins is actually a man.  Once again, the humour just consisted of puerile sex jokes, because that is what Vince thinks is funny.  In fact, they barely counted as jokes.   Incredibly dumb stuff; I felt my IQ dropping rapidly as I watched it.

But there was a twist, right at the end the WWE stars turned the tables on Springer by revealing his secret love: Mae Young!  Oh God.....at least Mae got a payday that night.

Nor could Jerry Springer stay away; he returned to Raw in 2014.  See entry number two below for details....

3. Claire Lynch

I seriously considered making this my number one choice, and only put it down to three as I could create a case for saying it wasn't totally without worth (I'll come to my reasons later). Anyway, TNA has one even bigger skeleton in its well-stocked closet (see number one before).  It was still one of the most painful and nonsensical angles ever.  It all started in 2012 with Christopher Daniels and Kazarian embarrassing AJ Styles by showing candid photos taken of Styles entering a motel room with Dixie Carter, the implication being that they were having an affair.

However, Styles and Carter, playing face roles, had a convincing explanation.  They were actuallly helping out a mutual friend, named Claire Lynch, who was a pregnant addict.  It's at this point that the story went south badly.  Lynch turned up in person, and soon allied herself with Kazarian and Daniels (why, given that Dixie and AJ are her friends?  We were never told.).  Unfortunately, as portrayed by actress Julia Reilly, Lynch was simply painful to watch.  She was not what you'd ever call subtle, with her exaggerated facial gestures and loud piercing voice.  It was like watching a high-pitched female American version of Brian Blessed (without the beard), particularly when she started shouting for effect.  But she had a shock for Styles, as she claimed he was the father of her unborn child.  At one point she even showed a photo of herself lying on bed besides AJ (who had clearly passed out; it was an obviously staged pic).

A few weeks of awful promos from Lynch followed.  Severe eardrum damage was reported by TNA fans across the world.  Then, all of a sudden, the angle ended.  A man purporting to be Lynch's lawyer read out a prepared statement admitting that it was all a scam concocted by the the two heels, and she wasn't even pregnant.  Wait, what?

And that was it.  What caused this abrupt ending was the simple fact that Julia Reilly had walked out.  She wasn't used to a wrestling crowd which is very vociferous and opinionated, and found the whole thing stressful.  She also wasn't very experienced as an actress (she had actually been spotted by TNA in her role as Olive Oyl at the Orlando theme park where Impact was then being filmed) and feared that the negative reaction was harming her career.

So what are the good things about this feud?  Well, to start with, though the material was poor, it successfully established the heel team of Kazarian and Daniels, who developed stable personae at last.  In particular, Kaz had been drifting between a series of face and heel turns that no-one cared about previously.  The two had clear chemistry (it helps that they are best friends who know each other inside out), and performed a number of memorable promos and matches under the name Bad Influence.  They now work together in Ring of Honor as The Addiction.   The other mitigating factor was a terrific last man standing match between Styles and Daniels at Destination X in the middle of this feud, possibly the best match staged in TNA so far this decade.  That almost made the storyline feel justified.  Almost.

2. The Bella Twins in: Twin Malice

Despite having distinctly average in-ring skills and below-average acting ability, the Bella Twins currently have the biggest storyline given to any female wrestlers in years.  They've even main-evented Raw once.  Basically, they are extremely good-looking, and that is basically all Vince looks for in his female wrestlers. He is known to favour the sisters from Arizona above all the other Divas.

The angle started when the twins, both portraying face roles, fell foul of the Authority.  This led to Brie quitting the company, just as she was about to be fired, while Nikki, the remaining twin, was relentlessly bullied by Steph in retaliation for her sister's perceived sins.  A few weeks later Brie re-appeared at ringside and had an altercation with Stephanie McMahon.  As a result, Brie filed a complaint, and police led Steph away in handcuffs to spend a night in the cells.  This was the first sign that this was not going to feature much in the way of logical scriptwriting.  If police were always willing to act in this way, the cells would be full of heel wrestlers every Monday night.

At the next Raw, Brie somehow re-appeared in the ring, despite no longer being a WWE wrestler (she even got her music played, which is strange for someone no longer on the roster).  She offered a deal to Steph; she would drop all charges if she were reinstated and  given a Wrestlemania match against the Billionaire Princess.   Steph agreed, and the match was on. To promote the fight, a series of promo segments appeared on Raw, and it became clear that there was gaping chasm between Steph and the Bellas in terms of promo abilities.  Steph has improved a lot on the mic, hitting a confident tone of insincere patronising, and was carrying these segments.

The Wrestlemania match was, to be fair, better than expected and ended with Steph picking up a victory. But the real swerve was Nikki's sudden turn, foreseen by the entire audience (it was very obvious that Nikki would turn heel on her sister at the end; I even correctly anticipated the exact moment it was going to happen).   As Brie reeled in horror at the betrayal, Nikki walked away.

At the following night's Raw, we found out why.  At this point the story was past the point of no return, because nothing made any sense at all.   We learned that throughout her entire life Nikki has resented Brie, who she feels has always held her back in everything she's done.  She cut a series of filmed promos, entitled Growing Up Bella, where she outlined how awful Brie had been to her throughout her life.  For example, Brie once took Nikki's car out for a ride and totalled it.  She handed police Nikki's driving licence when arrested, so  Nikki claimed.  At the end of each segment, she pathetically whined, 'But I never told anyone.'

Several problems here.  For several years, the Bellas were inseparable allies as both faces and heels.  Everything they did, they did together.  We are now asked to believe that Nikki was only acting here, and was working 24/7 with someone she actually despised. Every victory celebration, every tearful embrace, was entirely fake.  I realise that wrestling contains a lot of suspension of disbelief, but I couldn't buy this for a second.  Secondly, you've got the Growing Up Bella nonsense.  By supplying a litany of Brie's many sins, Nikki was unintentionally coming across as a face here, which felt a little weird.  Finally, Nikki blamed Brie for her mistreatment by the Authority, saying nonsensically that it wouldn't have happened if her sister hadn't quit.  This is why she was now allied with, er, the very people who were directly mistreating her.   In which bizarro world does any of this add up?

It got worse.  Their screaming promos intensified as they covered each other with badly-acted bile, and often Steph wasn't even there to help carry them.   This reached absurd levels when Jerry Springer (him again!) arrived to stage an intervention between the warring sisters.  Of course, he failed and after a further display of atrocious acting, a mass brawl broke out (on a WWE show? really?) and it ended in chaos.  Springer was legitimately injured when he was knocked over by the brawling twins and had to be stretchered off.  It was that kind of night.  Another time Nikki invoked the ghost of Claire Lynch by presenting a woman who she claimed had slept with Daniel Bryan (Brie's real life husband).  Thankfully that was soon dropped.

This is so much more painful because, unlike the Claire Lynch stuff, it's seemingly endless.  The latest development is that Brie is now forced to work as Nikki's personal servant for 30 days.  So, that's a repetitive stage of this tanking storyline that will drag on for a whole month.  Deep joy....

1. Victory Road 2011

While I'm just going to concentrate on the main event for understandable reasons, it should be pointed out that the entire event was riddled with problems, and overall this disastrous TNA PPV deserves its reputation as one of the worst wrestling shows of all time even before the jaw-dropping conclusion.  Search out Botchamania 164 for a round-up of the the full horror.  An incredibly sloppy Knockouts tag match is a particularly highlight of low quality. Rosita stands over Winter waiting to hit her with a title belt.   Unfortunately, Velvet Sky, who was supposed to make the babyface save, completely missed her cue, so Rosita just stood there, poised with belt as if paralysed. for a number of agonising seconds. Eventually, the tardy New Yorker finally runs in to thwart Rosita's assault on Winter. It's horrible....

Anyway, onto the most pathetic excuse for a main event ever staged.  It lasted 88 seconds in total, simply because Jeff Hardy was too drunk and/or stoned to perform.  He was slated to face Sting in a kind of facepaint vs facepaint contest, but it was clear something was up when Hardy's music rang on and no-one initially ran out into the dry ice billowing into the arena.  Eventually, Hardy just, well, stumbled out and made unsteady progress towards the ring, half-heartedly shaking hands with ringside fans.  Eventually, as he climbed into the ring, Eric Bischoff also arrived, purportedly to announce a new stipulation for the match.  In truth, he was actually telling everyone to wrap things up quickly.   The match started with Hardy stalling before throwing his t-shirt out to the crowd.  Pathetically, he didn't even have the co-ordination to chuck the shirt out of the ring.  Eventually, Sting covered Jeff Hardy after his first serious piece of offence and held him down shoot style for the three-count before exiting the ring in disgust.  Even in the aftermath, TNA couldn't catch a break.  As the shout chanted "that was bullshit", the camera catches a furious-looking Sting yelling 'I agree!"

Now while the ultimate blame must lie with Hardy himself, TNA's conduct here was mystifying.  Hardy was clearly in no fit state and should not have been sent out at all.  A better compromise would have been to send out another wrestler to take his place, even if that meant someone working a double shift.  Someone like Bobby Roode would have been able to improvise an acceptable match with a veteran like Sting.  Not ideal, but better than what transpired.  But it goes back further than that.  Given Hardy's reputation, surely TNA should have been keeping an eye on him to ensure he was still sober during that evening.  Leaving him to his own devices as they did was severely negligent.

The aftermath was depressing.  Jeff Hardy wasn't sacked, mostly because he shifts more merchandise than any other TNA star, but he was suspended indefinitely and written out of all storylines.  Meanwhile a penitent TNA offered six months' free use of the company's on-demand library to anyone who had purchased this awful event.   During his suspension, Hardy was sentenced to ten days in prison after being convicted on drugs charges.  On exiting prison in September 2011, he returned to Impact Wrestling by apologising to his fellow wrestlers for his dreadful state at Victory Road.  He has, to be fair, performed with apparent professionalism ever since. But, for his disgraceful performance on 3 March 2011, he deserves to be crowned the dumbest wrestler of recent times.